


something lonesome, something so wholesome

by hippopotamus



Category: SKAM (Norway)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, M/M, POV Alternating, Tattoos
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-23
Updated: 2019-08-23
Packaged: 2020-09-24 21:37:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,225
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20365489
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hippopotamus/pseuds/hippopotamus
Summary: By the time Isak was seventeen, the snake had shrunk away from his fingertips, moved far away from them and instead made its home on his back somewhere - he couldn't see it, but he could feel it.The labrador curls up over Even's heart. A sort of armour - a guard dog, rather than the excitable thing it had once been, sitting in the palm of his hand, waiting for someone to come along and let it jump towards them.((an au where there's a tattoo on your skin that can move around, and when you find your soulmate it can move onto them too))





	something lonesome, something so wholesome

**Author's Note:**

> in this house we like to oversimplify love and commitment  
title from hozier's from eden!  
big love to my isi for reading through and validating when i realised it was getting to long to just post immediately  
enjoy!

When it first appeared on his arm at 15, Isak's snake tattoo stayed close to his fingertips. Poised, ready to strike, ready to jump towards the one person he'd spend the rest of his life with. He would see it raise its head, flick its tongue every time Jonas came within touching distance, but it could never bridge the gap. 

He always knew it wouldn't, of course. It was just relentless wishful thinking that kept it there, and Jonas didn't notice a thing. He was too busy looking at the lion on his forearm, willing it to jump towards Eva, whose little rabbit sat contentedly beneath her ear, moving for nothing and noone - not because she didn't love Jonas, she did. But they were together with the knowledge that some day the real person would come along for both of them. 

By the time Isak was seventeen, the snake had shrunk away from his fingertips, moved far away from them and instead made its home on his back somewhere - he couldn't see it, but he could feel it. 

Eva asked him about it once, taking his hand after the summer holidays were finished and tilting her head. 

"Didn't he used to sleep here?" she asks, trailing her finger down his thumb and up his index finger, where the snake used to curl itself up. Her rabbit has been long since replaced - or sometimes joined - by a little panda, still under her ear, still sitting contentedly. She's much happier now that she has Noora. 

"Oh, yeah," Isak laughs self consciously. "I still have him, if that's what you're wondering. He's on my back somewhere."

“Aw,” Eva says. “So no summer romance for you?”

Isak laughs. “No.”

No, there wasn’t. Only summer self-hatred. Not quite as fun.

*

Even didn’t get bullied for his tattoo so much as teased, but after a certain point, it wore him down. _ It suits you, you’re so bouncy, excitable, desperate for attention. _ After a while, he just rolled his eyes at it all.

Especially after his third year. To think that he would love so much and so excitedly, only for it to turn out that he was someone, something, so unlovable. 

The labrador curls up over his heart, now. A sort of armour - a guard dog, rather than the excitable thing it had once been, sitting in the palm of Even’s hand, waiting for someone to come along and let it jump towards them. 

It hasn’t tried to jump towards Sonja for a long time. Not that it was ever successful when it did try, nor was it successful when her swan tried to glide over to him. But neither of them have tried in a while. Its just convenience. The only difference between them is that Sonja is still waiting for the right person to come along - knowing that they will - and they'll love her. Just like Even used to. Better than Even used to. 

The labrador just curls itself up, as if ignoring the world around. Even knows that it isn't, he feels what the labrador feels - it goes both ways in fact. When the labrador gets lonely, so does Even, and sometimes he can separate it from his own feelings, but sometimes it's difficult to tell who felt it first. 

And when Even sees a boy across the courtyard, the labrador sees him, too. 

Suddenly it doesn't guard his heart anymore. 

*

Magnus doesn't shut up about his tattoo. Isak's close to calling it, putting an end to the friendship because he's tired of hearing about how excited Magnus is to find the one, how many times he thinks he's seen _ her _ already, because pretty much every time he sees a girl, the spaniel in his palm runs circles around his wrist. 

"Everyone can see it, Mags," Jonas tells him. one day, and Isak breathes a sigh of relief because maybe he'll finally get it this time, now that Jonas is saying something. "You'll put off every girl within a ten mile radius unless you stop being so desperate."

"You can't put off the one," Magnus says, with no hint of irony. 

"There isn't just _ one _, though," Jonas argues. "There's been studies-" 

"Yeah, yeah, we all know your conspiracy theories," Mahdi interrupts. "But Magnus will be lucky if he finds even one, you can't argue that there might be more." 

Jonas tilts his head, conceding to Mahdi's point. 

"Fuck you guys," Magnus mutters. "Isak, you'll back me up, right?" 

Isak just raises an eyebrow. 

"Isak gave up on love a long time ago," Jonas laughs, knocking his elbow into Isak. "Snakes are solitary animals." 

Isak lowers his head and rolls his eyes. 

*

He doesn't have a tattoo, this boy. At least, not one that's visible, and he's had his sleeves rolled up sometimes when Even's seen him. 

It could be anywhere, though. On his leg, his hip, over his heart like Even's used to be. 

It still retreats back there sometimes. When he gets reminded that he should be alone. But mostly now it's down at his elbow, not quite ready to jump into something, but at least ready for the possibility. Just because he can't see the boy's tattoo doesn't mean it's gone to someone else. 

*

Somewhere along the line, Isak meets Even. The bathroom of a second years party, and Magnus has made a new friend because he knew he wouldn't be the only person whose tattoo was a dog. 

"You're still the only person whose tattoo runs around in circles when you see a girl," Mahdi says, then looks at Even. "At least, I hope. I don't think I can stand two of you." 

Even replies with a sly smile and his eyes on Isak, for some reason. "Yeah, no, that's just Magnus." 

Magnus sighs, but takes it in his stride, and Isak wonders why there's a fluttering feeling in the curve of his spine. Wonders why the feeling moves up closer to his arm. His fingertips. 

*

A nod and a quick grin, and he passes Isak in the corridor a couple of weeks later. They aren't friends, barely know each other really. Haven't really hung out since the one party, but it feels like enough to greet Isak. 

Isak smiles back, too, a little half-hearted, wary perhaps, but it's a smile. Even will take what he can get.

Their shoulders brush in the crowded corridor, and it feels almost as if the labrador is straining to get through the fabric of his jacket. 

It never could but _ god_, what if?

*

Maybe he's just been alone for too long. It's frustration, of some kind, maybe because his feelings for Jonas faded, and he's bored of having no one to fixate on. 

Maybe it's just because he stares back. And probably it's not in a good way, but Isak has no way of knowing that. Even just stares and stares and stares and it hurts Isak's head to think about but his eyes, god, his eyes. They know how to smile in the way that Isak hasn't in a long time. 

*

He just can't stop looking. Like it's an addiction, a compulsion. Some daily medicine that he has to take, and if he doesn't, he'll -

Start to feel alone again. Somehow looking at Isak is just - he can believe, he can daydream, that by looking at him, he could build a life with him. 

His mind starts to wander into dangerous territory with it all. Telling him that if they touched, really, properly touched, they'd - 

Even still doesn't even know what Isak's tattoo is. 

*

Jonas is looking after Mahdi who's emptying his alcohol drenched guts into the toilet, Magnus is pleading with a girl to at least make out with him, Isak's on his own at this stupid party that he never even wanted to come to. 

Even’s across the room, half in conversation with some girl that he'll probably end up taking home, and half staring at Isak, being miserable on his own on the sofa with a can of by now lukewarm beer. 

He always stares. Isak shouldn't kind of like it. It's twisted, messed up, weird. He should tell hm to stop, tell him it's getting to him - because it is. It's getting to him in unimaginable ways. Ways that he won't admit to. 

Even brushes the girl off, somehow. He walks Isak's way and stops short two feet away from him, looking down with a raised eyebrow and a finger to his ear, casually drawing attention to the joint balanced there. 

"You look bored," he smiles. "I hear it's more fun outside." 

Isak looks back to the girl Even just abandoned, scowling at him with high cheekbones and red lips. He raises an eyebrow. 

"I hear you just lost your chance at going home with someone." 

Even just shrugs, and walks away without asking Isak to follow. 

Isak follows. 

*

The silence is more awkward than he wanted it to be. He'd envisioned himself being smooth, conversation flowing, being able to make Isak laugh with every other sentence. 

In reality, Isak is quiet. Sitting tense as if he's not quite sure he should be there. At least, at first. But then, that’s why they’re smoking. To relax. 

It's quiet out here. the back garden rather than the front - more of just a yard. There were too many people in the front, loud and drunk and so not the vibe Even wanted, so he found the path round to the back and Isak followed. 

And now he's relaxing, smiling a little easier, breathing a little slower. If Even started a conversation, he might even join in. 

"Are the others not here at the party?" he asks. "How come you were all alone in there?" 

Isak sighs and rolls his eyes. "Mahdi's in the bathroom throwing up and Jonas is looking after him."

"And Magnus?" 

"Busy searching for the one." 

"At a party?" 

"I mean, you've met Mags, right?" 

Even laughs. "I shouldn't be surprised, should I?" 

Isak half joins in with the laughter, shaking his head. 

It's probably not the most subtle thing in the world, to continue the conversation. Even does it anyway. 

"Do you not find yourself inspired by his enthusiasm?" he asks. "Or have you already found your person?" 

Isak narrows his eyes. "No," he says. "He's exhausting. And, I mean, if there's just one person in the entire 7 billion, what the fuck are the chances of finding them anyway?" 

"But it's not really just one, is it? It's just whoever you're compatible with. And it can change, too, there's people whose tattoos move-" 

"Yeah, move back, I know, " Isak scowls now, and Even almost sighs out loud in frustration because he's probably ruined it. "You should talk to Jonas about this, he cares more than I do." 

Even tries a guilty smile. "Sorry," he says sheepishly. "It's just, my tattoo's a dog, like Mags, so I'm biologically wired to be obsessed with finding the one." 

Isak half laughs, and his gaze travels down to Even's rolled up sleeve, the labrador standing to attention on his forearm. Isak has no way of knowing that it's because of him, but Even wants him to. He can't get the words out before Isak speaks, though. 

"Yeah, well, mine's a snake, so I'm biologically wired to ruin every chance of happiness that I get." His voice is quiet, sounds like he's trying his best to shrug it off but there's something else fighting it.

Even probably shouldn't read too much into it. And he probably shouldn't continue, but something about Isak - 

"Did yours move back?" he asks, keeping his voice gentle. "I mean - you don’t have to tell me, I just -" 

"Not mine. My parents," Isak sighs. "Kinda makes you stop believing in the whole thing, though." 

"Yeah, I get that," Even says, and maybe the weed is loosening his tongue a little, but Isak just makes him want to talk. "I mean I'm pretty convinced that a tattoo couldn't make anyone put up with me. Bipolar," he shrugs, and regrets the words as soon as they're out, but the damage is done. 

Isak pulls back. “Oh,” is all he says, at first. And then “it’s bullshit for stuff like that. Dad’s tattoo moved back because he couldn’t handle my mum’s - illness, thing.” His eyes widen. “I mean - not that you won’t - it’s just - bullshit. I don’t get how my mum could find someone who couldn’t handle everything that would happen.”

Even shrugs. “Yeah.”

Isak goes quiet. Even does too, in fact. It’s just silent between them, with only the sounds of faint music from inside.

“Sorry,” Isak murmurs. “I don’t know why I said all of that.”

“It’s fine.”

“It’s just - the right person is meant to love you, no matter what.”

Even can’t tell if Isak is reassuring him, or explaining why the system is bullshit. He replies as if it’s the latter.

“Doesn’t really matter. Everyone’s alone anyway. The tattoos are just there for people to pretend.”

He doesn’t miss Isak’s glance at him, even though he doesn’t quite know what it means.

*

The snake has settled, a band around his arm just below his shoulder, and Isak hasn’t spoken a word to Even for twelve days.

Not because he doesn’t want to, exactly. Just because he hasn’t had an opportunity. And he doesn’t really know how. 

He wishes he could, it’s just - when he sees him, the words jar in his throat, and all he can manage is a weak smile and then he walks past.

And then - he ends up next to Even on the tram home. He doesn’t even notice until Even’s quiet “hi” snaps him out of his distracted texting. He can’t help but smile. 

“Hey,” he replies, and then his words jar again and he coughs and looks down uncomfortably. He was going to - but he doesn't know how. 

They're silent for a while. Isak's hands itch to go back to his phone, and he lets go of the pole that he's holding onto to reply to a message from Jonas, when the tram jerks to a sudden stop, and before he can hold on again he falls, half into Even. 

And it's fine, it's - it's not like he falls hard, it's not that embarrassing. The colour rising to his cheeks is nothing to do with that. 

It's just - the snake on his arm is - it moved. Towards Even. Their skin didn't brush for long enough for anything to happen but Isak felt it. In a way that he's never felt it before. 

He regains his balance, and his eyes travel up to Even's, moving over his tattoo with its tail wagging relentlessly, until Even pulls his sleeve down before he meets Isak's gaze. 

He's nervous, biting his lip, eyes flickering to and from Isak, and Isak doesn't really know how to be brave for him but he does it anyway. 

"Are you busy?" he asks. "Do you wanna - come to mine?" He smirks to make it easier for Even to agree. “I have weed.”

Even nods - a tiny nod, and a tiny smile, but unmistakable. 

They’re five minutes away from Isak’s stop, and he already knows it’s going to be diffficult not to pull Even along by the hand.

*

He’s filled with nervous excitement, and desperate to touch Isak again and find out if it was real. 

But - their conversation, at the party. Even doesn’t remember all of it, maybe he was a little more drunk than he thought, but he can hear Isak’s words - _ kind of makes you stop believing in the whole thing, though. _

The way he invited Even here, though. The way he looked at him on the tram, when they touched. Maybe he’s changed his mind.

Maybe he - 

Maybe they should get high again.

And they do, locked in isak’s room because he muttered _ I have annoying roommates _ and led him there, making Even’s head spin. Both of them - Even doesn’t know who starts it - careful when passing the joint, careful to make sure that they don’t touch. 

Conversation doesn’t start until part way in, when Isak inhales deeply from the joint, and then speaks with his exhale as if he’s terrified of his words. He probably is, but so is Even.

“Last time - when we were talking about the tattoos,” he says, hesitating with every word. “When you said everyone’s alone anyway. Did you mean that?”

He’s so anxious that Even feels kind of mean just replying with the first words that come to mind, but he doesn't know what else to say. “Did you mean it that you don’t believe in any of it?”

Isak looks down, and his voice gets even quieter. “Not really. More I just don’t want to believe. I don’t want it to go wrong, but I kind of - I kind of still want it.”

Even lets himself hope, with a small smile. “There’s a ton of things that could go wrong,” he agrees anyway, but he wants more and more to reach out.

“Yeah,” Isak says. “Like I could - imagine the whole thing.”

“You could,” Even agrees again, but he knows now that he didn’t. This is - real, somehow. Somehow he’s certain.

Isak looks up to hand him the joint. Even reaches out with both hands, one taking the joint from him, the other catching his wrist before he can pull his hand away, and then they both stop breathing for a moment. A moment that feels a lot longer than just a moment.

He loosens his grip on Isak’s wrist so that their hands can move to hold each other instead, a gentle touch, and it’s all they need.

Isak’s tattoo winds itself down his arm and around Even’s fingers, a sensation he could never have prepared himself for, this incomparable warmth, this feeling of belonging. Of not being alone.

Isak’s grip tightens on his hand, his gaze fixed down on the tattoos, the labrador becoming part of his skin as well, instead of just Even’s. Almost like Even is becoming a part of him.

Isak lets out a shaky breath. “Never thought I’d have a fucking dog tattoo,” he mutters, laughter lacing his words. 

But it sounds nice, coming from Isak. It doesn’t wear him down, or irritate him. It sounds - sort of - loving.

Isak looks back up, and his smile stays, but his laughter quiets a little. 

“What if I - what if I’m not good enough for you?” he asks. “I mean - my dad - I never want to be like him, but I -”

“Then you’re probably already better,” Even interrupts gently. “We’ll work it out.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

Isak relaxes, and goes back to watching their tattoos, together on the same skin, moving between their bodies. 

“This doesn’t feel real,” Isak says after a while, breathless in awe. “I didn’t think I’d ever - but you’re here.”

Even nods, fighting the grin that threatens to get so wide he can’t talk. “I’m here,” he says. “So are you.” 

He uses the grip he still has on Isak’s hand to pull him closer, and searches his expression for the answer to a question he hasn’t asked out loud.

Isak answers him by moving closer still, smiling softly as he brings his free hand up to cup Even’s face and pull him into a kiss.

**Author's Note:**

> u all know the drill, love me some comments and/or kudos, [here](http://evenshands.tumblr.com)'s my tumblr, love always xxx


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